Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
