I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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