so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
