Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
