Having a random hookup so left but love u
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
