p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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