But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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