Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
