Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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