Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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