I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
