my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize