I accidentally burped into my bong.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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