He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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