my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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