you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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