A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
