Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
