dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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