you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
