I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
