Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize