Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
