Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
