Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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