So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
