How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
