On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
barbara walters just said penis...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
