I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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