Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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