he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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