I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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