help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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