I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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