Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
