AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
