Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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