i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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