omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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