I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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