Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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