We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
