Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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