Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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