JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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