i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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