And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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