i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
