Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize