Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
