Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
