I'm eating all of the evidence.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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