It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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