How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
