Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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