In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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