im about as happy as oj after his trial
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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