Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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