You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
