Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
