You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Drunk is a universal language darling
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize