i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
