I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
