my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
