and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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