Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
