oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to calm my uterus...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
