Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
