So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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