Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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