god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
