I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize