what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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