Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
How external is "for external use only"?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
