I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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