Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
