I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
