Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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