even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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