we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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