Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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