Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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