he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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