whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
