I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
