He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
