She is in my trunk
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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