whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
