Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
