Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
