Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize