i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
