I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
