thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize