Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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