Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
