I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's rum buckets o'clock
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
