Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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