as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
