btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
