I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
