Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
