remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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