dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize