It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
