I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
