I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
