Farmville is her only friend.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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