just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
