a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
