She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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