I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
