How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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