My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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