I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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