I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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