What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
