I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm passing your future prison.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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